Sofia Estrella, a writer and Certified NUSHU Group Facilitator, shares her transformative experience at the 2024 NUSHU Surf Retreat in part one of her four-part guest blog series.
Years ago, when I learned that I could only love others to the degree I loved myself, I also uncovered fear. I alone knew how truly insignificant I thought myself to be, and to realize that regard had seeped into my whole life sank me into a deep depression. At the time, I was also managing temporary disability from a back injury, which allowed me to isolate until a pandemic made my new way of life the norm.
Towards the beginning of the worldwide quarantine, I saw a suggested social media post from an organization called NUSHU.
The image showed a woman blowing bubbles to sink purposefully into clear, calm water, accompanied by the words, “What should I do? Revisit the signals of fear as necessary, but don’t drown in them… Acknowledge that there are things I can’t possibly control and that exerting energy towards them will change nothing… Trust in my ability to handle whatever might come up in the future, reserving my energy for when I might need it most.”
I wanted to connect with the person who wrote those words, and also find a way to release the uncontrollable.
Four years later, I returned to Costa Rica for my second Surf Retreat with other women also drawn to NUSHU and the water, filled with the desire to woo myself back to the natural urge to live and thrive.
After a surgery that fixed my body’s mechanical issues, I did eighteen months of physical therapy. I also began swimming lessons, recognizing my need to find strength in weightlessness. As my muscles returned, so did my ability to let my adult brain switch off and begin childlike play.
After a day of travel and being around others, I thought I would need to hibernate in my room until dinner.
When we arrived though, and I saw my room was steps away from a clear pool surrounded by trees, a verdant paradise, I knew what I needed more.
“I think I’m going to go for a swim,” I said to one of the women who organized the retreat.
“Do it,” she smiled, the brightness in her eyes confirming her words, “The water’s nice and cool.”
After doing child’s pose and a few other stretches in my room, I slipped on my bathing suit and stepped onto the warm, wooden deck. As promised, I felt the refreshing release from afternoon equatorial heat and I sank, smiling, giving myself over from planning to presence.
“Are the other women walking by going to think I’m weird?” I wondered as I let myself submerge, float, bending to release in the water. My inner voice replied, “No. Not here.”
A few minutes later, a friend and fellow NUSHU Facilitator walked by and invited me to the beach. Euphoric at the idea of going somewhere else where I only needed a towel, I replied “I’d love to.” Together with another woman who we’d met that day, we walked a short path, pointing out small fluorescent crabs that reminded me of bell peppers and emerged onto the softest sand my feet had ever felt.
“This is incredible, this is amazing,” we repeated as we jumped, frolicked, and chatted in the warm waves.
And it was only the first afternoon.
Read Part Two
About Sofia Estrella
Sofia is a writer, NUSHU Facilitator, and Hatha Vinyasa yoga teacher. After earning her masters degree in education she spent nine years teaching in the classroom, until a back injury that placed her on disability. During this time of introspection, rest, and healing, she found NUSHU. Her intention is to lead conversations and experiences that foster connection and self-love. She writes essays about self-advocacy, struggles, and fulfillment with chronic pain. Sofia lives in Puerto Rico and loves swimming, reading, and her robust cat Brooklyn. Check out more of her writing on her Substack, Removing the Smileveil.
